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16 Ways to Reconnect with your Partner after a Fight
What do we mean by arguments and fights?
It's important to note, that in this article by disagreements we don't mean relationship disputes and problems.
Relationship problems are something deeper and usually last for a long period of time. They aren't solved easily.
Here we are talking about those misunderstandings that usually originate from anger or frustration and end relatively quickly.
That being said, they still have value if you learn how to argue fairly, and respectfully which ends up strengthening your connection instead of weakening it.
So, How to Resolve Conflict in a Relationship?Resolving conflict in a relationship can be either hard or easy depending on you as an individual and couple.
1. Choose to forgiveForgiveness is not about condoning bad behavior but about choosing to let go of negative feelings that will only hurt you.
2. Take responsibility for your actions
You may be right about how you feel or what you think, but that doesn't mean it's okay to act out in anger. The relationship will never improve if both partners refuse to take any responsibility.
3. Separate the issuesIsolating problems is the first step toward resolving them because once they are clearly identified, a fix can be found. Also, avoid bringing up past mistakes as this will only escalate the misunderstanding rather than resolve anything.
4. CompromiseYou have chosen to be together with your partner, which by itself means to have some compromises, and this is no exception. This means one side has to meet halfway with their request or concession.
5. Use "I" statements to express yourself
Just changing the perspective, can do a lot.
Using " I" statements is more effective than using "you" statements when talking about relationship problems because your partner can't argue about how you feel.
For example, instead of saying, "You make me angry,", or "You did that..." say, "It made me feel ____." This also helps keep the conversation from escalating into another argument.
6. Never underestimate the power of a heartfelt apology
7. Spend time together doing something you both enjoyAfter an argument, it's normal to want to spend some time apart, but too much time can lead to tension and problems which can become permanent.
8. Do something different than usualWhen both of you have calmed down a bit, but it still is something bothering you - have a change of pace, pick a movie you wouldn't usually watch, or go out for dinner at a restaurant neither of you has tried before, go outside and get physical.
Breaking away from regular routines gives marriage discords less chance of occurring again in the future because familiar habits are what often cause them in the first place.
9. Talk about how life will be different after your relationship issues have been resolvedPlan dates in advance, think about the style of your next apartment and talk about your next trip. Change the topic, and express your feelings so there's less chance of an argument rising ever again.
10. Don't go to bed angryThis is almost a cliché, but nevertheless, it is a vital part of a healthy relationship.
11. Ask your partner what went wrongIn many cases, we don't see our behavior as harmful or wrong, so just asking their perspective, on what went wrong can make them think about their own behavior that caused the fight to escalate.
12. Focus on solutions instead of who's right or wrong
Try to come up with possible solutions to whatever problem you're dealing with; listen carefully without interrupting and don't be quick to dismiss any ideas (even if they seem flawed at first).
This way you'll move closer to resolving the conflict together and in turn, create an atmosphere where it's easier for your marriage to thrive again.
If you see only problems, look into couples therapy
As a side note - when just nothing seems to help you to reconnect, then considering going to a therapist would be a good idea.
Reaching out to a therapist can help in two ways: by providing insight and advice on how to improve your relationship and by addressing problems that may arise.
If you are dealing with any issues in your marriage, it's crucial to seek help before you reach the point where it ends.
While it's true that some people can benefit from therapy, it's also true that counseling doesn't always help and may actually create more problems, if both parties are not willing to participate.
If you're having problems in your relationship, first talk to your spouse about it.
Sometimes the problems are something simple and straightforward, but other times it's more complicated and requires seeing a therapist.
13. Talk about relationship goals
Sometimes the bickering may have brought your common goals to light which is a good thing, so now use it as an opportunity for growth. When you have calmed down, discuss what both of you want out of your love life and how you can pursue those goals together.
If you're not on the same page it's never too late to discuss your present and future goals with each other. Remember to choose goals that are realistic, specific, relatable and attainable.
14. Create new positive memories togetherTry creating new happy memories that will help strengthen your marriage and increase intimacy after a disagreement. It's not always easy to do, but it is possible.
15. Don't take your relationship problems too personally
Sometimes conflicts can feel like they're about you, but not always that is the case. Family affairs are never one-sided and it's important to keep in mind that problems don't define your success and failure either.
Remember that no matter how much you love each other, you still have to learn to disagree in a healthy way.
16. Be positive
Even if things aren't going well between the two of you, try not to assume the relationship is going downhill or that it is time for a divorce.
It might not be perfect but it doesn't mean you have to give up on making your love life better by choosing to be positive.
Try using positive words when engaging in conversation with each other and use happy affirmations.