Relationship Tips · 9 comments · Nov 16, 2021

16 ways to reconnect with your partner after a fight

Big fights and arguments happen, it is just a completely normal part of any relationship. But how do you get your partner to open up after a disagreement? How do you reconnect after?

What if they won't talk to you and open up, and it seems like they don't want anything to do with you anymore?

How can we get them back in our arms again? The answer is simple: love.

Ok, it is not that simple, but love, listening, and an apology are a good start.

Sometimes the best way for us to reconnect with our significant other is by showing them how much we adore and care about them.

Read further to find out 16 ways that show your partner how much you love and cherish them even when things aren't going well between the two of you or something has been causing tension between the two of you.

These ideas will help keep both parties happy, loved, and connected- which will lead to a better bond overall!

Read time: approximately 10 min.

16 Ways to Reconnect with your Partner after a Fight

What do we mean by arguments and fights?

It's important to note, that in this article by disagreements we don't mean relationship disputes and problems.

Relationship problems are something deeper and usually last for a long period of time. They impact your every day life, and aren't solved easily. And those are a matter for a different conversation.

Here we are talking about a misunderstanding or a big fight that usually is spontaneous and originate from anger or frustration. And most importantly end relatively quickly (in a matter of hours, or days).

That being said, they still have value if you learn how to argue fairly, and respectfully which ends up strengthening your connection instead of weakening it.

So, How to Resolve Conflict in a Relationship?

Conflict generally is not a good thing, and more often than not can make you feel terrible. But, the truth is - relationship fights will happen, they are a natural part of any relationship, but what matters, is how you deal with them.

Resolving conflict in a relationship can be either hard or easy depending on you as an individual and couple.

If you have good listening skills, good emotional intimacy, and emotional connection, and you have learned to forgive then it might be quite easy for you.

But, if you are reading this then chances are you might need some help, so we have prepared 16 tips and steps you can take to repair, heal and reconnect with your partner.

How to Reconnect after a fight with your partner

1. Choose to forgive

Forgiveness is not about condoning bad behavior but about choosing to let go of negative feelings that will only hurt you.

By forgiving, you're also communicating that you respect yourself enough not to allow someone's mistakes to hinder your progress in life.

Keep in mind that forgiveness doesn't mean forgetting something. Neither it means giving your significant other permission to continue hurting you because they said they were sorry.

Choosing to forgive means that you respect their apology, acknowledge that they understand you were hurt, and you both are willing to grow past this issue. Choosing to forgive goes a long way into a healthy relationship.

2. Take responsibility for your actions

The ugly truth is that only on rare occasions only one partner is to blame for an argument. It can happen, but it is much rarer that you might think.

You may be right about how you feel or what you think, but that doesn't mean it's okay to act out in anger. The relationship will never improve if both partners refuse to take any responsibility.

In an argument, it is extremely rare when only one is to blame, but of course it is easier to blame the other person, right? Well, it is easier, but it is not the best route to take, if you want a healthy relationship.

So, when you had the time to look back at what happened, think about your actions, and acknowledge what you might have done differently. Then tell your partner you should not have done that.

If both of you will take the responsibility for your own actions, it will be much easier to forgive, forget, and move on, not to mention that by doing this you will grow and become better as a family.

3. Separate the issues

Avoid giving into the temptation of bringing in new issues into the argument. We all have done it, and it never makes things better.

Therefore, isolating problems and setting healthy boundaries are the first steps toward resolving the issue, because once they are clearly identified, a fix can be found. Also, avoid bringing up past mistakes as this will only escalate the misunderstanding rather than resolve anything.

You'll need to agree to keep the conversation focused on the current topic, and avoid attacking the other person.

It may be difficult at first, but if you can keep your cool, you'll have a much better chance of getting what you need from your loved one. In a situation like this, it's key to remain polite, and respectful.

You may want to prepare a list of questions you can ask that will help you get to the root of the problem. But, if you do make a list, be sure to read the questions loud to yourself - it might reveal that some of them sound not like you intended them to be.

Try not to let your emotions get the best of you, as you may end up making the situation worse. If you do feel that conversations are becoming heated, try to step back and take a break, but during the break try to avoid giving the cold shoulder.

4. Compromise

You have chosen to be together with your partner, which by itself means to have some compromises, and arguments with your partner are no exception. This means you have to keep an open mind, and at least one side has to meet halfway with their request or concession.

This may not always mean that you get what you want all the time but it does guarantee that serious matters are discussed and addressed. And that results in both of you being happy.

A partnership is a long game, so one compromise now will bring many happy moments later in life.

5. Use "I" statements to express yourself

Simply changing the perspective, can do a lot.

Using " I" statements is more effective than using "you" statements when talking about relationship problems because your partner can't argue about how you feel.

For example, instead of saying, "You make me angry,", or "You did that..." say, "It made me feel ____." This also helps to keep the conversation from escalating into another argument.

6. Never underestimate the power of a heartfelt apology

Even if you think the argument was not your fault, apologizing for your mistakes is a good and healthy step in reconnecting with your partner. Saying sorry is rarely a bad thing and it shows others (especially your partner) that they matter and can trust you again.

And remember: no argument will last forever; there will come a time when everything calms down and both parties will feel safe enough to discuss it without wanting to hurt each other.

This is why having a healing conversation after fight and apologizing while you feel hurt can help your family grow even closer than before.

7. Spend time together doing something you both enjoy

After a heated argument or a big fight, it's normal to want to spend some time apart, but too much time can lead to tension and problems which can become permanent.

Time spent together strengthens bonds so don't neglect this essential part of your love life by not spending time with each other.

Some couples even enjoy passionate sex as a means to make up (i.e., the phrase make-up sex).

Reconnect with your partner after an argument

8. Do something different than usual

When both of you have calmed down a bit, but it still is something bothering you - have a change of pace, pick a movie you wouldn't usually watch, or go out for dinner at a restaurant neither of you has tried before, go outside and get physical.

Breaking away from regular routines gives marriage discords less chance of occurring again in the future because familiar habits are what often cause them in the first place.

Actually, this is a good technique of reconnecting with your spouse, if you both are the kind who has a hard time apologizing.

For example, when you have calmed down a bit, but don't feel like apologizing or openly talking about what happened, you can simply and casually nudge your partner into doing something mundane with you (watching TV, cooking dinner, going for a walk).

Although generally it is better to talk things out, this method can be a great tool, when you have difficulties expressing your emotions.

9. Talk about how life will be different after your relationship issues have been resolved

Plan dates in advance, think about the style of your next apartment and talk about your next trip. Change the topic, and express your feelings so there's less chance of an argument rising ever again.

Talking together and knowing how both sides plan to move forward after a fight can prevent problems from popping up again and build your emotional bond stronger.

What to Talk About With Your Spouse to Reconnect?

If you are not sure, what to talk about when you are still angry with each other - that is perfectly normal. It is not unusual to have million thoughts in your head, but not one of them seems good enough when the emotions are still high.

Everyone is different and this might not be applicable to your situation, but generally we would recommend talking about such topics:

- Expressing what went wrong and that you still love them;

- Apologizing;

- Talking about something neutral, like work, kids, what to eat for dinner;

But we would not recommend trying to blame or explain why your partner made you feel bad. At least not until your emotions have calmed down.

10. Don't go to bed angry

This is almost a cliché, but nevertheless, it is a vital part of a healthy relationship.

Couples who don't resolve arguments before going to sleep risk waking up the next day with unresolved mistakes that could have been prevented if they had just reached out and talked instead of allowing their problems to escalate into a permanent fight.

But that being said, also don't force yourselves to resolve a conflict by any means. Deadlines are a good thing in work and business, but not necessarily in a relationship.

a Caucasian couple laying in bed with eyes closed

11. Ask your partner what went wrong

In many cases, we don't see our behavior as harmful or wrong, so just asking the other person's perspective, can go a long way.

By asking what went wrong can make them think about their own behavior that caused the fight to escalate. Ask it gently and then genuinely listen to your partner, otherwise, this question could lead to another disagreement.

Hopefully, they see this as a relationship matter that both of you can repair together as a couple. But this step should be done only after you have calmed down.

But remember, this goes both ways - if you expect your partner to have the strength to see his/her flaws, you should be willing to do the same.

Relationship tips - overcome the negative after a fight

12. Focus on solutions instead of who's right or wrong

Try to come up with possible solutions to whatever problem you're dealing with; listen carefully without interrupting and don't be quick to dismiss any ideas (even if they seem flawed at first).

This way you'll move closer to resolving the conflict together and in turn, create an atmosphere where it's easier for your marriage to thrive again.

If you see only problems, look into couples therapy

As a side note - when just nothing seems to help reconnecting with your spouse, then seeing a therapist might be a good idea.

Reaching out to a therapist can help in two ways: by providing insight and advice on how to improve your relationship and by addressing problems that may arise.

If you are dealing with any issues in your own marriage, it's crucial to seek help before you reach the point where it ends.

While it's true that some people can benefit from therapy, it's also true that counseling doesn't always help and may actually create more problems, if both parties are not willing to participate.

If you're having problems in your relationship, first talk to your spouse about it, but it is important not to dismiss the idea or straight refuse consenting. If there are deep problems, counselling might help a lot.

Sometimes the problems are something simple and straightforward, but other times it's more complicated and requires seeing a therapist.

13. Talk about relationship goals

Sometimes the bickering may have brought your common goals to light which is a good thing, so now use it as an opportunity for growth. When you have calmed down, discuss what both of you want out of your love life and how you can pursue those goals together.

If you're not on the same page it's never too late to discuss your present and future goals with each other. Remember to choose goals that are realistic, specific, relatable and attainable.

a man hugging a smiling woman while laying in bed

14. Create new positive memories together

Try creating new happy memories that will help strengthen your marriage and increase intimacy after a disagreement. It's not always easy to do, but it is possible.

Take time to talk about what happened and how you can make the situation better for both of you. You can also start creating a plan for the life ahead.

15. Don't take your relationship problems too personally

Sometimes conflicts can feel like they're about you, but that is not always the case. Family affairs are never one-sided and it's important to keep in mind that problems don't define your success and failure as a couple either.

Remember that no matter how much you love each other, you still have to learn to disagree in a healthy way.

a closeup of a man and woman holding hands

16. Be positive

Even if things aren't going well between the two of you, try not to assume the relationship is going downhill or that it is time for a divorce.

It might not be perfect but it doesn't mean you have to give up on making your love life better by choosing to be positive.

Try using positive words when engaging in conversation with each other and use happy affirmations.

17. Bonus Tip - Avoid Starting a Fight

Yes, we mentioned that arguments are a part of any relationship, and every couple fights from time to time.

But that does not mean you have no control in this matter. By taking some precautions, you can have less arguments.

One of the best ways to avoid getting into a fight with your partner, is to improve your communication, build up emotional intimacy, and have a better understanding of each other.

Therefore, we have created the Life Conversations, which is a conversation starter game made specially for couples who want to know more about themselves, and bond together. The questions range from easy and fun all the way to difficult questions that couples need to discuss, but often don't know how to ask these things.

Life Conversations

In conclusion

Remember - disagreements occur because both partners usually have different expectations and beliefs about how things should be or what's acceptable and what's not.

The key to getting past the arguments is to take responsibility for your mistakes, recognize when it's time to apologize, and focus on success instead of failure.

Before rushing to a therapist, read these 16 steps on how to reconnect.

Maybe, some of them will help you get through a serious disagreement as a couple and hopefully if done right, you will come out of this experience stronger than ever!

If you thought this article was helpful, please, be sure to share it with your friends and loved ones, and be sure to check out our Conversation games for couples for deep meaningful or naughty conversations with your special one!

- Are relationships without arguments good?

- 13 must have conversations for couples

- Common mistakes and what to avoid when arguing

- Is it common for a couple to have misunderstandings

Play Feel Love

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