Top Reasons Why Sex Gets Boring in a Relationship

The excitement, desire, and passion – when you have all those elements in your relationship, sex is just amazing! But as the relationship matures, and the initial feelings wear off, also the sex can become stale and boring.

Your body and mind just don’t have the same feeling they used to have. It can happen to any man or woman, and it is not a nice place to be in!

But if you can find a way to spice your love life and make the sexual experience great again, then you’re on the right track to better satisfaction.

If sex is an important part of your life, then it’s important to make sure it’s not dull. And there are a lot of things that can make sex boring in a relationship or marriage, such as lack of communication, lack of sexual tension, no orgasms, or too much emotional or physical responsibility. 

But the question is - what if there are actually some other things that make sex boring with your partner? Here are some of the reasons why sex gets dull in a relationship and marriage, and what you can do to spice it up once you’ve started. 

To learn more tips how to improve your sexual life, see our Sexual Health section here.


*Tips are sorted in no particular order and can be done separately. 

Read time: approximately 10 minutes

Top Reasons Why Sex Gets Boring in a Relationship 


Sex has become a chore

If you and your partner have been together for a while, and your emotional connection has declined, sex can get a little dull as well. Sure, you still enjoy it, but it’s no longer as exciting as it once was, and in turn, you often find yourself doing it for the sake of a sense of responsibility, not for excitement.

If this is the case, then likely the novelty has worn off and you’re not thinking about it anymore. This is normal, especially when you’ve been dating for a while.

To rekindle the sexual spark and re-introduce excitement in the bedroom, try something new! Either it is as simple as new poses, or something more sophisticated as using new toys or trying to role-play. New will be exciting, especially for a woman.

Of course, start with a conversation – learn more about what you and your partner would like to try. Even talking about it could put you in the mood!

To get the conversation going, you can try playing our Naughty Conversations, which is a collection of 100 questions meant to learn more about your desires, fantasies, and sexuality.

You struggle to find time for sex

It's a tough one because there are so many different ways to look at this situation, but it almost always is not due to lack of time.

Of course, there are periods in our lives when we are just too focused and too busy for anything else, but they are as said – brief periods. So, if you don’t have time for sex over a long period of time, the problem is something else.

You either lost sexual interest in your partner, are too tired from your daily responsibilities, or have some unresolved issue beneath it all, so you make excuses not to have physical intimacy with your partner.

As usual, it is important to ask yourself – what exactly is the problem here. Only then you can try to re-connect and fix it.

If at fault are the daily responsibilities, then you could try scheduling sex with your partner. Yes, it might sound un-sexy, but scheduled sex is better than no sex at all. Right?

what to do when sex gets boring

You no longer want to try new things in bed

When you’re in a long-term relationship or marriage, sex and passion can get a little stale. There are things you’ve tried before, or even tried in a different relationship and have had good results, but you feel like it just isn’t clicking in the same way anymore. 

You might even have a feeling that “you have tried it all”, so what is the point of even trying something new, right?

But, of course, no one has tried it “all”. There always are new sexual conquest to explore. Get a new toy, try sex in a new place, change the dynamics, and many, many more activities you can try to reach the climax. 

And, you can try a new sexy couple's game that could introduce new ideas or new sexual approaches to old ideas you can enjoy that will surely lead to a climax to remember. 

You don't take care of yourself

Many relationships go into a decline if one of both of you stops taking care of yourself, and this includes your sexual life. If we stop looking after our well being, mental health and yes, looks, then our confidence and levels of sex drive takes a hit.

If we don't feel comfortable with ourselves, we unconsciously make excuses for not wanting sex.

Of course, this goes both way - if the other person becomes less attentive, you can lose interest in him/her, so the sex starts to feel less exciting.

Interracial couple wearing bathrobes and being awkward

You don’t feel wanted

Relationships are about the emotional and physical connection with the person you love and desire. And desire is the drive of sex, and desire comes out of feeling wanted and wanting your partner.

So, it is not a surprise that the sex starts to feel dull, and you want it less if you don’t feel confident and wanted.

The truth is - when the relationship is new, and everything is exciting, it is easy to be wanted and to desire people in turn.

It just comes naturally. But after a while, when the initial excitement goes away (and it will go away), it can become more difficult to desire intimacy and urge one another without some “push”.

So, first, try regaining your sexual confidence and then take the time and put some effort into this – set up a date night, dress up, compliment your man or woman, and surprise each other. Make it an exciting time over and over again.

You forget about the foreplay 

Ah, this is a great and common one. There are couples who focus on sex and having an orgasm so much that they forget about the part that comes before – the foreplay! 

Foreplay is the main thing that creates sexual connection and gets you in the mood and on the way to reaching climax. If the foreplay is great and done right, it can even be more exciting than the sex itself, so it is not difficult to imagine sex getting boring if you dismiss the foreplay and think only about your satisfaction.

If you are among those people who skip right to the sex, but often feel underwhelmed by it, try to take it slower next time. Set up the mood with candles, and relaxing music. Don't forget to wear something sexy. Start with a sensual massage and slow kisses. Don’t rush it but enjoy every part of your physical intimacy!

To learn more about the common mistakes couples make during foreplay, click here.

Or have a go with our Foreplay Game that is created for the sole reason to heat up your sexual foreplay skills.

improve foreplay fir better sex

You’re always not in the mood or tired

Generally speaking, this is among the most common issue a man and woman can experience that leads to many other sexual issues in their relationship or marriage.

Similarly, as it is “when you don’t have time” for sex, also here most likely the problem lies somewhere else. You can be too busy with the everyday responsibilities, lose interest, or something else is preventing you to relax with your partner.

When you’re tired, it's more likely that you won't want to engage in a sexual physical act that can feel both physically and emotionally draining.

It's been said that sex gets boring because of stress and tension. In fact, there are studies that show that sexual satisfaction in a relationship drops significantly when couples get into arguments and lose connection.

Generally, the most important cause why couples get tired of intimacy and sex in their relationship or marriage is that they don't give each other enough attention.

When we're stressed and in high-tension environments, our body produces more adrenaline and cortisol. This is the hormone responsible for lowering the quality of our sexual energy.

So, if you feel like being tired and never in the mood for sex, try something new in the bedroom, work on your own happiness and well being (go for a walk, meet some friends), or connect and talk it out with your partner – maybe there is something else beneath your emotional state and boredom.

a couple lying in bed while the man is asleep and the woman frustrated

You don’t know how to spice up your sex life

So, sex has become boring, and you want to spice things up in the bedroom. But the question is - what to do? The short answer: add variety. 

And actually, this question is often asked by people in long-term relationships who are having trouble maintaining intimacy and healthy sex life. While there are many reasons why couples might be having problems in the bedroom, among the most common reasons is boredom, and lack of novelty in sexual activity.

Generally, there are a few things that can help you make your sex life more fun and exciting, like incorporating a little something extra into your lovemaking that you wouldn't normally think about.

A lot of people find that being sexually creative is one of the best ways to keep sex fresh. In other words, if you want to keep the romance alive and reach that orgasm consider trying out new sex positions, do it in new places, or try some new sex toys.

You can also try activities that you never thought possible, such as role-play, anal play, or even getting into bondage. These are just a few ideas to help you make sure you’re always reaching orgasm and having the best sex you can imagine.

A great sex toy you could use to find new sensations are the Sensual Pleasure Ties. They can be used to restrain your movement, as a blindfold for sensory deprivation, or for tying you up.

Spicing it up in your relationship

You don’t talk about sex enough

When you’re in a long-term relationship, due to the many reasons we mentioned before, the sex can get boring. Communication should be a priority to any relationship, and speaking about sex is among the important topics. 

If you feel like things have gotten stale and you don't feel emotionally connected with the person you love one of the best things you can do is to take some time to connect and discuss it with your partner.

Just by speaking about sex you can boost your confidence and add excitement in place of boredom. You might be surprised at what they have to say, and what you might do to make the situation better.

You can talk about what you like, your husband or wife could improve the experience, or how you can help each other to make your orgasm feel more pleasurable.

how not let sex get boring

In Conclusion

The goal of sex isn’t to have more sex (although more sex is also good). The priority is to have increased intimacy and meaningful sex that you both enjoy.

If you’ve been in a relationship for more than a year, and you’ve had trouble having pleasurable sex or reaching orgasm you’re not alone.

Surely at the beginning of a relationship that comes naturally, but over the long term, this takes some level of effort.

By looking at the most common reasons why sex gets boring you might find a thing or two that relates to you, so you can then try to start improving it. Everyone deserves to have a great time and reach a climax when having sex, and so do you!

As always, feel free to read other relationship tips and look around our store to find some thoughtful and sexy gifts for couples

Sexy talk with partner

We would love to hear from you!

How exciting and important is sex in your relationship?

Maybe, we missed an important reason that makes the sex become boring?

Leave your thoughts in the comment section below!

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